Scroll through these photos to read our caption story:
PROS: you still get to make the Nationalist Party’s leader look like a total loser-hypocrite merely by forming part of an awkward sandwich at a football match – with the other slice being none other than our somewhat constipated-looking prime minister. On that note; is someone skipping leg day?
CONS: headlines published in 2024 MAY OR MAY NOT come back to haunt you a little bit when you get your grubby hands on a trophy – this, coupled with a mortifying bear hug from the man who owns Malta’s tallest Jenga block – will represent yet another nadir in your bizarre life.
PROS: you will have the incredible luxury of writing to the police commissioner to request an interrogation as opposed to getting arrested like any other common peasant.
CONS: when the police and inquiry experts do finally come knocking, your ability to use phones like a normal person will suddenly desert you. Doctors have not found a cure for this malady. [1] [2] [3]
PROS: your adoring supporters will write songs about you.
CONS: some of those songs MAY OR MAY NOT refer to one of the most ill-fated tattoos of all time.
PROS: the only individuals who are willing and able to whisper your name while crying in a courtroom will be no match for your shadow network of propagandists.
CONS: even someone who once fawned over your ascendance to the prime minister’s office might eventually have a moment of clarity about your bullshit.
PROS: in this MAGA-mad world, geopolitics might just look like it’s lining up in your favour…
CONS: …until the European Court of Justice rips your devious little scheme to shreds.
The Maltese government undermined Europe’s bedrock for a pittance
PROS: given that you just-so-happen to have a regiment of lawyers on retainer, you will be able to file frivolous libel suits with ease.
CONS: in spite of your best efforts, news outlets still retain their pesky habit of occasionally remembering to add more context to your claims.
PROS: your loyal sycophants will always give you a place to go off on your most unhinged rants.
CONS: some of your heinous actions while in government MAY OR MAY NOT lead to you being reduced to sending letters to the Times like Eddy Privitera.
PROS: developers will absolutely break a lance for you and you should have no problems securing work after you leave politics.
CONS: judges and magistrates who endured your relentless abuse may be so spectacularly well informed about your wrongdoing that columnists will write about their verdicts as if they were epic battles.
PROS: as we said — so much work! So much (entirely legitimate) interest! Everyone will want a piece of you. [1] [2] [3]
CONS: the results of your…incredible success story MAY OR MAY NOT bring some unwanted attention, eventually forcing struggling journalists to write up explainers just to keep the facts at hand. [1] [2] [3]
PROS: the trials and tribulations that come as a result of your incredible success will result in some relatable, average guy moments like these. Perhaps Emanuel Cuschieri could share his Netflix password? [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]
CONS: a herder who was post-humously awarded Ġieħ ir-Repubblika after you and happens to share the same name with you will have a more credible claim to it than you do.