Sea of insanity

Like any other person engaged in a cause broader than themselves, I often question the value of this project in the grand scheme of things.

It’s been almost two and a half years since cap.mt officially went online. If we include the website’s pre-launch development phase, that brings the total amount of time I spent on it to almost three years.

Since then, I received a fair amount of feedback from friends and foes alike. After all, Malta is the kind of place in which you’ll know your work hit a nerve mere minutes after it happens.

One glaring example of mass hate directed towards this website occurred when we had published an 80-minute interview with Repubblika’s honorary president, Robert Aquilina. Our coverage of the first days of the hospitals concession case also regularly pissed off the Labour Party’s hardcore.

There was more to it than just vitriol, though. While the jury’s still out on whether I’ll ever manage to increase the size and scope of this project, our loyal supporter base still stands.

The feedback I get from that supporter base is something which reminded me of one of Daphne Caruana Galizia’s best articles: ‘right and wrong are not a popularity contest.’ My favourite paragraph is the following one:

“You come here to feel normal in a sea of insanity where the crowd cheers the Commissioner of Police for failing to take action against a corrupt cabinet minister and the Prime Minister’s chief of staff; where supporters of the party in power celebrate and have their picture taken on the steps of a bank which launders money for Azerbaijan’s ruling elite, because it is linked to the politicians they support; where even educated people who have had all the advantages in life vote a corrupt political party into power for the narrow reason that they’re renting out flats to buyers of Maltese citizenship who never set foot in them.”

That blog post was published on 5 June, 2017 – just four months before Daphne was murdered.

Nowadays, even simply invoking Daphne’s memory feels like a tired cliche. They didn’t just engineer the murder of a journalist: they invested so much in hating everything she stood for that her legacy is now met with a collective shrug by the average citizen of this country.

Since Daphne’s murder, nobody’s ever managed to reproduce that unique blend of investigative work and blistering commentary.

Though this website’s ethos is a tribute to Daphne, I have no delusions – at best, I can stay I studied her legacy long enough to understand why she did what she did and why it is important. I understand the mission and seek to continue it, however imperfect it may be in comparison.

Though I struggle deeply with reconciling the value of this mission with the poverty that I endure because of its lack of commercial success, I take great comfort in knowing that for our user base, this website serves as a refuge for all those who do not wish to drown in this sea of insanity, just like Daphne’s blog did.

I do not have the resources or the infrastructure that mainstream media outlets have at their disposal. I certainly am not even close to achieving the level of popular support which is needed to sustain a project that is 100% public interest work. I start every month not knowing whether it may be the last one in which I can afford to continue doing this.

What I do know for sure is that in these three years, I gave everything I could give to ensure that there is refuge available, that it is not all ‘he said, she said’ narratives with no commentary and no context, that there is at least one person speaking truth to power without anything holding them back.

The value of having no master isn’t limited to the right to set your own agenda. In the context of the work I do, it brings the added benefit of providing shelter to others who are uncertain, who are on the cusp of understanding the gravity of the situation we face in Malta but are not quite there yet, others who wish to take action but feel like nobody’s articulated something that resonates with them.

Whatever happens, I know I’ve never compromised my values. During these three years, nobody said it as bluntly as I did. Screw the opportunity costs that came about as a result.

Embodying truthfulness in my writing and in my work in general is the only thing I aspire to, and I thank my followers for the high honour they bestow upon me whenever they tell me I am doing so.

Whether or not the truth wins out in the end remains to be seen – at this point in time, all that matters is standing up for it.